I feel like I'm living in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. What happened to liberty and justice for all? Does fear and hate override it all?
I don't know how everyone else is handling it. I can't imagine how those with affected friends and family are coping.
Let's hope this becomes a catalyst for peace with every killing taking us one step closer towards that goal. It's the only way I have found to cope, but it seems so out of reach.
> in order to satisfactorily pass our performance reviews.
Stop caring about promo cycles and treat your job as a paycheck. There is always another rung on the never ending ladder and your surroundings will always pressure you to push and climb to the next rung. But you don't have to accept this ladder and can disconnect from it.
The pressure if artificial, the worst thing that can happen is you get fired in which case you find something else. It's ok, that doesn't seem that bad.
You have a steady paycheck which allows you to pay your rent and work on cool things. You lose that when you start a business. While you gain freedom and flexibility, you face the real pressures of making payroll and rent.
I'm around to chat more if you want. My whatapp in in my profile.
Your role as a lead is NOT to get the project delivered on time. Instead, your job is to bubble up updates and timelines and let your superiors handle the stress of the impending deadline. It is better for them to hear about delays earlier than be surprised about missed deadlines.
Stress/anxiety comes from rushing due to taking on responsibility for an impossible deadline. Do not rush, but instead work with urgency and learn to deflect the pressure to switch from urgency mode to panic rush mode.
You are not personally responsible for a timeline.
People will yell and scream if you miss whatever boat you are trying to catch. But this is not your problem, your problem is to build what your building with urgency.
The only way to make this mindset shift is to find activities outside work that bring you happiness/grounding/etc so that you can realize that the things you currently think are important are not important and it is only a job.
I've personally struggled with this for years, call/txt me anytime if you want to talk 4153413957
Yeah, it sounds like you're trying to take responsibility for the whole project while neither having authority nor capacity to do so.
Your panic attack is happening because you are getting worked up and your body is producing adrenaline to help you accomplish your goals but there is no release of the tension, no pathway within an adrenaline-pumped maintainable time frame to achieve the end goal.
The solution is what dafzal is saying, you need to re-frame your mindset in regards to this project. You need to set better, achievable, (smaller) goals such as, "Today I will get this extension functioning.", "The next task I will do is get info on the progress of X for my report.", etc.
You need to gratify your desire for completion by breaking this gigantic project up into smaller, completable steps and know that as long as you churn out completed tasks at a decent rate then you are doing your part to make the project a success. That is all that is being asked of you. You are doing what you are paid for and that is good enough.
