Mine is similar to this. In addition the anxiety comes from me thinking that most interactions are banal and more about “trading good vibes and energy” with the other person rather than a genuine deep conversation, and I fear that my facial expressions will reflect what I’m really feeling inside - “ugh can we transition off talking about my weekend or the weather?”. And also because I’m not that witty without alcohol, but it’s almost like most of western small talk is based off of exchanging humor and wit, then laughing very loudly at the punchline. So my anxiety is more to do with not performing well enough to have this stereotypical exchange done smoothly.
This is relatable, mine is somewhat similar. It feels like a very specific version of performance anxiety that unfortunately affects the most banal social interactions. It is obviously multiplied tenfold when I'm in a situation where there are actual stakes (an interview, a first date, etc), but it still applies if I am just talking to a friend of a friend at a party that I don't know very well. The stakes feel very high to me because it's our first time talking.
It's less that I need them to like me or fear being disliked and more that I am just way too conscious of the stakes and the social interaction that's happening, which causes my brain to sort of freeze up. It feels like when I used to play tennis in high school. I'd do great at practice, then freeze up and barely remember how to hit the ball in games because the stakes on each point felt so high.
If I'm around some good friends it completely goes away. If I have hung around the person enough (even without directly talking to them), it goes away. I've also had random days where I don't feel the performance anxiety and performed really well in those situations (and coincidentally some of those days I'd meet a new group of friends or a girlfriend). It's extremely frustrating. Xanax makes the performance anxiety go away completely but slows me down cognitively so I become much less witty and interesting to talk to.
I rent a room. After rent, I have ~200 CAD net positive, which covers food and gym. I can't really accumulate money at this point, but I have existing savings and a few investments.
Maybe there are, but I don't know. It seems pointless to try Fiverr and similar platforms, because it seems they are already flooded with freelancers. But I never did contracting so I am pretty clueless about that. I've read old HN threads and the general consensus seems to be that you have to have connections to get customers.
"You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help."
There are more than a few studies behind it. Is that "scientific"? Remember that viral story about the guy who made the min salary in his company $70K? What did he base that number on, do you think?
Separately, if someone said that your take is "complete anti-scientific hogwash only poor people would repeat," would you think their opinion valid?
… maybe cite them? While I could see a study that says being vastly wealthy doesn't lead to happiness, the kinda wealth gap being discussed here is "cannot easily afford a home" ($70k/y; max $1.7k/mo affordable) and "can trivially afford a home" ($500k/y–$700k/y; max $17.5k/mo affordable). (For reference, homes in my area are currently ~$4.8k/mo.)
And a 2021 follow-up that addresses criticisms of the original (TLDR: if you were already happy, you get more happy > 75K. If you were unhappy, you don't get more happy > 75K.)
There are plenty of studies showing a diminishing return in happiness / general satisfaction after a certain income threshold. You can look themselves up yourself.
> I could send you paper and paper that wealth/income and stability increases happiness aggregated
Nobody disputed that. You made a statement about "something only someone with a high income would say." That's drawing the generality to a specific. It would be like concluding from the fact that most dogs are black, brown and white, that every dog is black, brown or white.
In this case, it could absolutely be the case that the factors that cause money to turn into happiness are not present among FAANG employees to a greater degree than population.
No this is not rare at all. Meta offers E5 ("senior" level) new hires a 400-500k total package in the US (given that you negotiate, I know the levels.fyi numbers are a bit lower), and this isn't some exception. If your performance is good and/or stock appreciation happens, then that number goes even higher.
I'm a very average engineer (probably way below average amongst the HN crowd) and I'm in that range.
Got a small heater (size of a small PC speaker) for 20 bucks on Amazon, most effective purchase I’ve made in recent memory, super effective for cold fingers and doesn’t even need to be on all the time
Which one did you get? I tried getting one at work a few years ago and all it did was feel like a dragon's breath on my face, and my hands got a bit of warmth
Why does nicotine work? Asking this as someone who has similar problems to OP (but an average programmer) and have been vaping every day, all day long, for the last few years, and don’t mind a shorter lifespan.
Nicotine and caffeine seem to have a similar effect on ADHD as amphetamines, but on a much smaller scale.
There's also something to be said for the act of smoking. It's a consistent ritual with a direct and immediate reward for very little effort. Perfect for the adhd brain
I mentioned nicotine because in my experience nicotine is much better at releasing dopamine than caffeine does, thus improves focus more than the other. Coffee raises other neurotrasmitters with a little effect on dopamine.
That said, coffee and nicotine are two stimulants that go and feel great together.
Before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I used to chain vape whenever I was coding or before bed to calm down. It had a similar effect amphetamine has on me: holds my focus and calms my mind down, but with noticeable side effects such as high blood pressure, pulse rate and a house that smells of smoke or papaya blast.
No it’s not unrealistic. Any decently bright and hard working college student studying computer science can get that 100k+ even as an intern. So technically this saving can start before age of 21. By age 25 they can already make 300k+. But yes, this is assuming you are in North America.
Recently went through the leetcode circus myself and ended up with an offer in this range, thus 4-5x my previous salary, and I have 7 years of experience. The interview had almost nothing to do with my work experience (which isn't that great btw) except for the behavioral portion. I am not exceptional either - most HN comments go over my head really quickly. Now I can actually think about affording real estate and starting a family.
Companies that can pay this much aren't rare. They're all in plain sight. FAANG, Coinbase, Stripe, Brex, to name a few.
I am having a similar problem as OP (in my 30s now but yearn for the social environment of 20 somethings) and am debating digital nomading a bit to change my environment, as where I live seems to pose a lot of psychological inertia since I spent most of my life here and fall into the same patterns - everything seems like I've "been there and done that". The idea of weighing the ROI and being responsible for my own fun is a much needed reminder so thank you for this comment, I really needed it.
