Check out win-vind! It also comes with a tiling window manager but I've never used that.

https://github.com/pit-ray/win-vind

> blockchain technology

When will this trend stop?

A cronjob that replaces /etc/hosts with a version that has Gmail pointing to localhost would do.

Now seriously, get help. That's the only way you'll get over it. A couple more drinks will be enough to be able to bypass your own firewall. Hope you're doing okay.