This was touched on briefly in the article, but maybe someone else here can shed some light on this here.
Is it not super confusing for gender neutral to use the 'they' pronoun? It's already in use in the English language. Every time I've heard people try to use it in conversation it's sounded like an Abbott and Costello routine.
I find it pretty easy to use "they" when the gender is unknown, which fits a lot of writing online.
I find it much, much more difficult to remember to call my friend's partner, who looks in every way to me very feminine, and has an unambiguously feminine name, "they" rather than "she".
I don't really find it any harder than picking up someone going my Mrs. rather than Ms. or someone changing last name. There's usually an adjustment period, of course, but it's not that hard to pick up personally.
With an indefinite referent though (from you link: "a man", "a person", "every one"). Not with reference to specific definite person. "Jack got their jacket" does not usually parse as Jack getting his own jacket.
What? "Jack got their jacket before saying goodnight" scans totally reasonably to me as commonly used English? I suspect the degree to which this sounds fine is colloquial.
But it's not that hard of a transition to make either. It might seem awkward for a bit, but it settles in pretty quickly.
The point is that it's not an unknown, made up word that came from nowhere. It has been used in the English language for hundreds of years. It's not confusing to use because one can infer from context.
No more confusing that any other words that have two meanings. When you hammer a nail, you certainly don't want to hit your fingers. But if you miss the nail with the hammer, you might hit your nail, which would be painful. And you have to be really careful asking someone if they want a date. If you mean the fruit of a palm tree but they think you want to start a romantic relationship, things might get tricky.
And certainly less confusing than words that are spelled the same but have wildly different meanings depending on pronunciation (read, past tense meaning to have finished reading a section of text, or read, future/present tense meaning has not finished reading a section of text).
I guess it's better if I give a concrete example of a conversation I recently observed.
Bob is gender neutral. Uses the 'they' pronoun. In a conversation with people, instead of saying "Bob helped me out with this problem", someone says "They helped me out with this problem", referring to Bob, and no one, including Bob, has any idea who they are referring to.
Every language has confusing pieces like this, which is why context is important. Your example could certainly be confusing, but if even Bob doesn't know who you're referring to, there would likely be confusion in "he helped me out with this problem". It would likely make more sense to say "I talked to Bob. They helped me out with this problem."
Pronouns in any form will make a conversation more confusing if there's no context. If you want to be absolutely clear in your communications, you'd get rid of all pronouns completely. "I talked with Bob. Bob helped me out with this problem. I want to thank Bob for Bob's help. Bob can we talk after this meeting?"
"They" have been used like that for ages. It is certainly less clunky than writing "he or she" in cases where you are not referring to any particular person.
They avoidance of ‘they’ as a singular personal pronoun is a recent occurrence, historically it has been used frequently when gender is unknown or unclear. The Oxford English Dictionary did some research on the history last year https://public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they...
The only recent change is people expressing a desire to use they/them as their own forms of address, but this isn’t an invalid use.
What's the confusing part? It's often used in both plural and singular, for the latter mainly when you don't know the identity of the person. Not totally confusing to use it for an identity you do know IMO.
I have never used in conversation, but sometimes use it in writing. My native language has a gender neutral pronoun, so it did not take too much getting used to in English. You say the double usage of 'they' might be confusing, but in pratice believe it has been around for long enough on the internet that I have a high enough confidence that most readers will understand it's use or at least not be too distracted by it.
As a non-native english speaker, using singular "they" is confusing. It may even negatively impact some people.
I've seen a recommendation that we should use "on another hand" instead of "on the other hand". Because, you know, we should avoid seeing things as black and white. I agree. Things often have more than 2 sides.
My English teacher said "on another hand" wasn't acceptable. You might be deducted point in a situation like TOEFL exam.
Another example is "I ain't" in some other dialects. We don't want to discriminate against certain groups. But, at the same time, it's wrong to use those phrases :S
Using a singular "they" is on a different level of being problematic. You don't wanna look illiterate in a situation like TOEFL exam and some other official situation. On another hand, you don't want to be publicly shamed and ganged up for misgendering others.
> My English teacher said "on another hand" wasn't acceptable. You might be deducted point in a situation like TOEFL exam.
That is likely because 'on the other hand' is what is known as an idiom; a fixed saying. Even if some people are advocating for change of certain idioms, as a (second language) student of a language you are ill-advised to take the liberty of promoting such a novel phrasing, because people may find it hard to tell if you are making a mistake (and that they should adjust their language to your perceived level) or are in fact advocating a different way of saying things.
When taking an exam you are of course expected to use only language that is currently seen as obviously correct, because the examiner cannot tell the difference either.
> "on another hand"
This seems silly. You use on the other hand to contrast two viewpoints. There are other idioms for enumerating more than two.
> You use on the other hand to contrast two viewpoints. There are other idioms for enumerating more than two.
I sometimes find myself using "on the other hand" to contrast three or more view points, and end up saying "on the other hand" twice. Occasionally, I'll use "on one hand...on the other hand...on another hand/on a third hand".
> As a non-native english speaker, using singular "they" is confusing.
I am non-native as well, but my native language doesn't have gendered pronouns. To me, using singular "they" is actually easier as it is closer to how I speak and think in my native language. The normal English (as well as most other Indo-European languages) way of using she or he, always meant I have to stop a bit to think, to add this extra bit of information I wouldn't have to if I were speaking in my native language.
Let's imagine a language that doesn't have a word for red, but has "wine" for darker shades of red and "rose" for brighter shades of red. You just can't talk about "red" in general, you always have to specify if you're meaning the darker or the brighter kind. That's a bit how I feel always needing to specify she or he.
You already use "you" as both singular and plural. Historically, "you" used to be the plural form of "ye". Grammatically, singular "you" works just the same as singular "they", so it's not confusing at all (I'm also a non-native speaker). See https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/you#Usage_notes
The references to "on another hand" I've found have been mostly historical (e.g., a Senate speech from 1830) and/or discussions whether it is correct. I can't find anyone advocating its use.
"Context clearly matters. If you are training English students for the TOEFL or IELTS exams, you should emphasize that using “they” for a singular pronoun will cost students points. Hence, it must be avoided on standardized exams. Yet – like many American advertisers and recent Presidents (Obama, Trump, Clinton) – I find the use comfortable and legitimate."
TOEFL/IELTS really needs to publish official guidelines on these new words.
It only became more acceptable a few decades ago, and relatively recently surged in popularity. "They" was first used like this hundreds of years ago, so it's not a new concept.
Many EFL curriculums in foreign countries are out of date, because languages change all the time.
If TOEFL or whatever says otherwise, they are wrong and out of date. Not that anyone seriously thinks those standardized tests actually reflect any meaningful grasp of a language.
Anyway. "They" is perfectly fine as a gender neutral, singular or plural pronoun. Anyone that says otherwise is clinging to prescriptivism and is in denial.
First of all, I want to remark that I'm a non-native english speaker. I have no issue with using singular "they". You are the owner of the language. Just tell me what to use. Avoiding misgendering is great. Yeah, I wanna do that.
The real issue is: TOEFL actively punishes people for using singular "they".
But we also tell everyone to use singular "they". If they don't, they will face a heavy backlash (e.g. being called bigots).
My opinion: never look at TOEFL or any test for how to actually speak a language. They're always out of date.
English doesn't really have an entity that dictates "rules". The guidelines vary between dialects, so I can only speak about American English...
You can read the Oxford Style Manual or The Chicago Manual of Style for reference, but sometimes people disagree. Previously people looked at Strunk & White's Elements of Style, etc.
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On this particular issue, "they" is fine as singular, and is being used like that very frequently these days.
> never look at TOEFL or any test for how to actually speak a language
I agree with you.
However, TOEFL is the gatekeeper for applying to a US/UK university. They have real power to punish you for using what they think is wrong, in this case singular "they" is wrong for them.
We study English to take TOEFL exam, so we can get into great universities.
At this point, we need to balance between being punished at TOEFL exam or being punished by public shaming.
TOEFL could have just published a blog post saying that singular "they" is acceptable. It probably takes 2 minutes to do so.
Yet they don't, even though singular "they" has been used for decades (as many comments point out).
It's dumb, and that's why I suggest we scream at TOEFL's leadership instead.
The difference between "using the language formally correctly" and "using the language in a way to pass the exam" (and of course "using the language as it is actually spoken") is not a problem specific to English or foreign-language speakers. Many (most?) countries have even stronger regional variance than English, even more than e.g. American vs. UK. TOEFL-takers are not idiots; they can understand what is correct in one context is not in another, especially hyper-formal, artificial contexts like taking tests. And the overwhelming majority of objection to singular they does not come from people who have deeply tied their identity to TOEFL.
I agree with what you say, but the problem is rather specific to american culture. Being called names (like bigots) because you don't wanna use a singular "they" is a regular occurrence in the present time in US.
While you think a singular "they" is correct, one of your authorities (TOEFL) who gatekeeps prestige US universities doesn't agree with you.
Many (including me) don't care what you think (not in a bad way). You aren't authority who can punish us.
We want (1) great points on TOEFL (to get into various opportunities) and (2) to avoid hurting others (i.e. misgendering). This configuration is impossible at the moment.
I hope you don't suggest that we can misgender people as long as it's a TOEFL exam. It doesnt sound ok.
I didn't know TOEFL was so devious as to make all their test scenarios concern non-binary people or people of indeterminate gender, but then demand you discuss them without also explaining your pronoun choices.
That said, it used to be rather uncommon in more recent times, which is now changing again. Standardized tests currently consider its use a mistake, just as »[i]n the 1600s, some writers objected to the use of "singular you" (compare objections to the "singular they")« (wiktionary). Languages constantly evolve.
Is it not super confusing for gender neutral to use the 'they' pronoun? It's already in use in the English language. Every time I've heard people try to use it in conversation it's sounded like an Abbott and Costello routine.