Personally have been going through this myself, and recently. Some things which make me feel better:
* Finding my own independence to do things. I often tied my own activities to that of my partner. So many times I felt like I was WAITING for things, when I didn't need to be.
* Find your own hobbies which are outside of work related things.
I am interested in kite surfing for example. I've never done it, but I've begun digging into it.
* People will say this often: Exercise.
Don't quickly dismiss this. It's MENTALLY hard to motivate yourself, I get it.
I HATE going. But, I ALWAYS feel better after having gone. There is something about tackling things you DON'T want to do, and getting satisfaction from having accomplished doing it. Plus, your whole body, including your brain, get distinct benefits which persist longer than the time you work out. So you work out 30 minutes, but you feel great for hours after, and your body physically benefits well beyond too.
* Find friends you can just hang out with. I moved to a new city and hardly know anybody. But I still take trips 1-2 hours away to see friends because I NEED that interaction. It breaks me out of my own world/thoughts.
> There is something about tackling things you DON'T want to do, and getting satisfaction from having accomplished doing it.
It's even better than that with regards to exercise. I've been forced to ski by my girlfriend. I've hated it for the first 5 days, I was terrified for my life, literally. I wrote a 10 page document on how not to die since my braking and turning weren't really reliable.
Yet, every evening, despite having some muscle fatigue. I felt more in touch with my body than ever. I was more flexible, more alert and quicker in my body movements. This made me feel happier.
I've also noticed the same thing with cycling vs. going with the metro to work (I'm in Amsterdam, no excuse to not cycle). I never think about cycling in terms of fun or not fun. But I noticed a marked difference in my mood while I arrived at work if I'd be going with the metro.
There's also neurological evidence for this: exercise makes us feel better.
So I want to extend your claim to: if you exercise in a reasonable fashion, you are biologically bound to feel better afterwards. It doesn't matter how you felt about it before or what your opinions of the exercise are.
One tip to get a bit easier into it: always do a warmup with an exercise that you don't hate. For me that'd be running.
Exercise, especially weight lifting and HIIT, raises testosterone levels naturally in the body which will have a definite impact on your confidence and self-esteem levels. Even further, add a good diet and try to lose fat, and you'll get the added benefit of having less of the testosterone convert to estrogen and more converting to DHT, which is the "feel good" androgen.
I managed to give myself quite a scare in the Scottish mountains on Saturday - have felt distinctly more focused and calmer since then. I wonder if getting an occasional scare might not actually be a good thing....
I agree with the occasional scare gets you going. People are built to deal with that scare in an evolutionary sense. The change in brain chemistry to get you into flight or fight can really alter your perspective (where perspective is pretty much just brain chemistry + a little bit of experience).
I think fight club called it a "near life experience."
Other examples of changing perspective via brain chemistry recently talked about are magic mushrooms, which really do help lift depression, if only for a while before the brain has a chance to settle into its old patterns.
Exercise of course, also changes the chemistry, but I think it is in a less extreme (and more reproducible) way than a good scare (even if what scares you is some kind of hallucinated dragon).
I see a bike much more than a metro (passengers have almost no control) as a 'freedom-' (you can ride wherever you want) and an 'expression-of-my-will-' (when to ride and where to ride to) device.
It's not only the benefit of physical exercise which often makes riding a bike more enjoyable.
I used to drive to work/school my whole life, choosing to ride a bike also meant choosing to take a good chance of dying on the road.
I then purchased a motorcycle, and I thought things would change, but it didn't. Even on a motorcycle, people would run me into ditches without looking and carry on their busy way without a notice or a bother. So I got a loud horn and loud pipes, and things improved a little.
I sold my vehicles and moved to a biking city, where my main method of transportation is biking. I've been here for less than two years, and I'm in the best shape of my life, mentally and physically.
Wonderful reminders of point by point what also makes me happy and unhappy. The partner dependency is a huge one for me, knowing how to say no and doing my own thing hurt who it may hurt. There’s a danger that overly dependent and insecure partners start severely limiting your world perspective and opportunities because they don’t want to engage socially or have the motivation to pursue their own hobbies. Don’t let that stop YOU!
I second this. I exercise almost daily, and it makes a difference.
I do a combination of low-impact HIIT (because I can watch TV while I do it :-) ) and push-ups + laying garhammers (because they make me look hawt - abs, pecs & arms.)
* Finding my own independence to do things. I often tied my own activities to that of my partner. So many times I felt like I was WAITING for things, when I didn't need to be.
* Find your own hobbies which are outside of work related things. I am interested in kite surfing for example. I've never done it, but I've begun digging into it.
* People will say this often: Exercise. Don't quickly dismiss this. It's MENTALLY hard to motivate yourself, I get it. I HATE going. But, I ALWAYS feel better after having gone. There is something about tackling things you DON'T want to do, and getting satisfaction from having accomplished doing it. Plus, your whole body, including your brain, get distinct benefits which persist longer than the time you work out. So you work out 30 minutes, but you feel great for hours after, and your body physically benefits well beyond too.
* Find friends you can just hang out with. I moved to a new city and hardly know anybody. But I still take trips 1-2 hours away to see friends because I NEED that interaction. It breaks me out of my own world/thoughts.