It was already mentioned in a sub-comment, but I think it deserves a more thoughtful top-level comment and a little bit of personal anecdote. (Edit to clarify: more thoughtful than the other top-level comment; the sub-comment was also very thoughtful. Edit 2 to add: another good top-level comment addressed this possibility while I was writing this response.)
I would seriously encourage you to consider an evaluation for ADHD, if you have not already. Easily giving up when confronted with challenges is a classic ADHD behavior, and it's often described and perceived as laziness. Having greater success under higher pressure is a classic trait as well.
I'm (obviously) not qualified to diagnose you, but I recognized something of myself in your description of the difficulties you're facing (so much so that the first thing I did before typing was find-in-page for ADHD just to see what had already been discussed).
It's possible the tendency to retreat from challenges is part of a feedback loop. You mention that your confidence suffers. This is more likely to discourage you from facing future challenges. Each challenge feels a little more out of reach, and each consequence increases the pressure.
One thing that a lot of undiagnosed adults don't know is that ADHD can present like as anxiety and depression. It can also look like fear and apathy. It's hard to spot, because we're accustomed to childhood symptoms, which are often a lot more disruptive.
If it helps encourage you to consult with your doctor (if you haven't already): a little over a year ago I was diagnosed. I've been adjusting treatment over that time, and it's still not perfect, but in that time I went from an anxious falling apart mess grateful to have a job at all, to taking on leadership of a team. (Obviously, a great deal of other things have improved along with that, but I'm trying to stay relevant to the question.) Side effects of my particular med (currently vyvanse) are non-existent, I'm just gradually working up to a dose that works for me. Even times of greater stress don't discourage me (though they can require more recovery time, but... that's normal?). There's been literally no downside.
Like I said, I'm in no way offering a diagnosis, but I would seriously encourage seeing someone who can. And if you're going that route, I'd also encourage doing some reading on how ADHD affects/presents in adults. The DSM is... well, entirely geared toward childhood diagnosis, and your doctor may rely on that.
I would seriously encourage you to consider an evaluation for ADHD, if you have not already. Easily giving up when confronted with challenges is a classic ADHD behavior, and it's often described and perceived as laziness. Having greater success under higher pressure is a classic trait as well.
I'm (obviously) not qualified to diagnose you, but I recognized something of myself in your description of the difficulties you're facing (so much so that the first thing I did before typing was find-in-page for ADHD just to see what had already been discussed).
It's possible the tendency to retreat from challenges is part of a feedback loop. You mention that your confidence suffers. This is more likely to discourage you from facing future challenges. Each challenge feels a little more out of reach, and each consequence increases the pressure.
One thing that a lot of undiagnosed adults don't know is that ADHD can present like as anxiety and depression. It can also look like fear and apathy. It's hard to spot, because we're accustomed to childhood symptoms, which are often a lot more disruptive.
If it helps encourage you to consult with your doctor (if you haven't already): a little over a year ago I was diagnosed. I've been adjusting treatment over that time, and it's still not perfect, but in that time I went from an anxious falling apart mess grateful to have a job at all, to taking on leadership of a team. (Obviously, a great deal of other things have improved along with that, but I'm trying to stay relevant to the question.) Side effects of my particular med (currently vyvanse) are non-existent, I'm just gradually working up to a dose that works for me. Even times of greater stress don't discourage me (though they can require more recovery time, but... that's normal?). There's been literally no downside.
Like I said, I'm in no way offering a diagnosis, but I would seriously encourage seeing someone who can. And if you're going that route, I'd also encourage doing some reading on how ADHD affects/presents in adults. The DSM is... well, entirely geared toward childhood diagnosis, and your doctor may rely on that.