Exactly. Shame is abused way too much to enforce conformity. Anyone growing up in a Catholic society knows what I mean.

Behavior if (and only if) it really needs correcting is better corrected by understanding the reasons behind it and helping each other.

If your daughter was raped, she brought shame to your family and you must kill her. That’s a belief and is obviously abuse of shame.

Overall shame did more harm than good

Did you encourage them or told them not to do it again? If you did the latter, you shamed them using social norms.

People need to feel shame and negative emotions to a degree in order to function in society. You can't simply embrace and reward everything.

> Did you encourage them or told them not to do it again

Not do what? Shit their pants? I don't need to tell my kid to not shit their pants. Being covered in shit is uncomfortable for them, and it's clear early on babies do not like the feeling of their ass covered in shit. Do you have /any/ experience with children?

> You can't simply embrace and reward everything.

In no way did I say I embraced and rewarded everything. However, negative emotions other than the discomfort of having a shitty ass should not be part of toilet training.

You can't force a child to be toilet trained. There's a combination of factors that all need to be aligned before a child is able to physically control their bowels let alone be intellectually and emotionally ready to stop whatever fun thing they're doing to take a dump.

So no, if my kids "missed the mark" in one way or another on their journey to potty training, I did not scold them "don't shit your pants".