There are talented people everywhere, the probability of somehow being ground breaking and world impactful is ridiculously small. Anyone pegging their self-worth on that goal is setting themselves up for a lot of mental health struggles.
My levels of ambition and relentlessness absolutely shifted after having kids, I used to be absolutely furious about being the best. Now I am very much "fuck you pay me" and my priority is having as much free time as possible for family and friends. I for one would be fine with Mr. Westbrook's career although thankfully I haven't had as crappy colleagues as him throughout my career.
There are people of all types who will want different things, no point in judging. As the great thinker Alicia Keys once said: 'you do you boo!'
> I used to be absolutely furious about being the best.
I found out that just being better than yourself takes you a long long way.
I have never competed, but just did my thing. Then found out that I've already know more and ahead of many people I'm inspired by.
Yet, this was not my aim, and still is not. I'm just one of the so-called dark developers. I just do my thing, try to do it better every time, and don't care about hall of fame of anything casual or serious.
I recently put a little modal on my phone that just says "Compete against yourself" every 30 minutes, and I'm finding it remarkably helpful at focusing my efforts back to what I want to see in the world.
I like the mindset of trying to be just a little better than you were, every day. It feels... correctly scaled, somehow.
Everyone has their quirks. I've got my computer speaking the time every 15 minutes and everyone I know would be driven absolutely insane by that. It helps me keep track of time.
Some people put a postit on their mirror or laptop screen.
This is a great comic. Understanding and appreciating other people's differences goes a long way. So much harm comes from being fearful or judgemental of people who are different.
Now I'm curious - what else is in your "life changing comics" folder?
Hey, C'mon: https://www.viruscomix.com/page528.html
The Human Race: https://viruscomix.com/page531.html
So Mature: https://viruscomix.com/page532.html
Sexier Th>n: https://viruscomix.com/page542.html
Copper: https://www.boltcityproductions.com/copper
There are other another honorable mentions, but I was not able to find the original URLs, so I didn't add them here.
I'm intrigued by human nature and why are we the way we are, and search for a calmer, more peaceful self inside me. Apparently meditation helps a lot.
Mine is currently on a 15 minute loop as well, but it just plays prerecorded numbers from 15 to 0 telling me how many minutes left in my 15 minute time block
The time notification reminds me of a screenless "watch" 10 years ago. It would buzz every 5 minutes as a supposed aid in perceiving the passage of time for various tasks.
I have a GPS disciplined rubidium clock with a 100MHz output hooked up directly to my sinuses. The slow sensation of waves washing ashore keeps me awake long enough to interact with the rest of you when I am taking my daily luxury 3ms break to read HN. Further, I have a script that, when my break time is over, automatically terminates any conn-
Great for the upside of growth - how do you change it for when you start to age and skills erode a little bit. That would be deeply frustrating. Need to change the model at that point! What to though?
The AI helps a bit, I'm feeling a bit recharged with it, like I have a few more extra years of capable contributing in me. Easier to get stuff done, not getting worn out with technical minutia as much.
Move more into to people skills and relationships. It could be management, marketing, sales, HR, recruiting, mentoring, training. There's a plethora of side functions. Or take a lower paying less demanding role. Do harder technical work that isn't time constrained like open source or personal projects.
What does it mean in this context to compete against yourself? Anything at immediately at hand or on the todo list? Or is it just a reminder to get something done you thought of doing but normally wouldn't otherwise?
If you find yourself becoming desensitized to the notifications on your phone, I suggest training a parrot to stand on your shoulder to liven it up. Great for parties too.
> I found out that just being better than yourself takes you a long long way.
That resonates with me.
There is a saying where I'm from that says "most people are just kicking dirt" that basically means people are doing the bare minimum or don't care at all, and if you just do your thing and really care about your stuff, you're already ahead of the majority.
Being anxious all the time, I use that saying in the opposite way though: just relax and do your thing... you don't need to worry about not having a job, all those other people are barely doing anything and you can't be the best at everytime. Just do your thing are relax.
> I found out that just being better than yourself takes you a long long way.
I usually hold vast disdain for the "self-help" genre of books, but after a recommendation from someone whose opinion I value greatly, I read Atomic Habits by James Clear. I've never found myself agreeing with and finding revelations from such seemingly mundane and obvious statements. Sometimes seeing a statement or opinion you take for granted can make you cognizant of that point.
I've since tried to adopt such "agile" methodologies in personal improvement. Clear says 1% improvement each day always sounds attainable, and such iterative improvements add up.
Yeah, that's true. I have a blog, and share the code & docs I write for myself, but my blog is not about programming, and the docs are more like cheat sheets for general public.
Well, the code is just GPLv3 licensed small tools which I develop according to my own needs. Nothing impressive.
I don't use Twitter, Facebook and Reddit anymore. I just converse here, and with a Discord server I really like.
I'm in a constant state of pendulum swing with this. (Not with the goal of being "ground breaking" or "world impactful", but just doing "great" work within the range of my own self-perceived capabilities.)
When I first had children, my pendulum swung way over to disinterest in seeking anything in my work beyond financial support for my family and time to spend with them (while still supporting and not breaking trust with my professional colleagues).
But my kids are growing and becoming more independent all the time, and I'm currently in a phase where my mental cycles and energy are on an upward trajectory over time, and now I'm back to being excited to use those cycles to do impactful work. But critically, I think, with significantly more wisdom about how to strike a healthy and happy balance for me and my family. I mean, I'm not naive, I don't think it will be easy to strike a good balance, I think it require be constant work and effort at it. But as I've emerged from the baby-brained haze, I have renewed clarity that neither focusing my energy entirely on family or entirely on work is the right path for me.
> the probability of somehow being ground breaking and world impactful is ridiculously small.
See I have the opposite take. There are so many damn facets of modern life/society, and new avenues/facets/domains coming out every year, that it is actually pretty easy to find some niche where something hasn't been done yet that is world-shattering for some specific community or niche.
World-shattering for everyone is pretty overrated.
Agree with you. I don't understand the point of this article other than some sort of tongue and cheek snobbery. Hope it maybe made the OP feel better about themselves.
I will not call it snobbery but a difference in generational culture. I am assuming you are below the age of 45 and came into the industry where jobs were aplenty , super low interest rates and the industry was rapidly innovating and risk taking is encouraged . For a lot of folks from the Office Space days of 80s and 90s that wasn’t necessarily the case . Tech jobs were limited and you probably had to post or submit a paper version of your resume.
I would encourage you to take a look at JavaScript code from 2003 or a Java codebase from then and see how dreary and different the tech industry was back then . As for transferable skills there is a reason IT workers were stereotyped as autistic nerds before the brash,well rounded, rock climbing risk takers came in. Culture, risk, opportunities and interest rates had to do a lot .
Edit- I was probably like Arthur Westbrook when I was working on a visa and had a family to support . As soon as I got my greencard my appetite for risk taking increased and showing my transferable skills increased . Situational context .
This level of reaction tells me more about you than the author. Referring to it as 'snobbery' shows that you interpret satire as a personal attack on someone, probably yourself. I clicked to their home page and immediately figured out that they dabble in tech and like to joke around.
This is as much a tip for myself as for you: take a deep breath before reacting.
> There are talented people everywhere, the probability of somehow being ground breaking and world impactful is ridiculously small.
No there aren’t. For every Jonathan Blow, Salvatore Sanfilippo (redis) or Mike Pall (LuaJIT) there are probably thousands of run of the mill developers working at feature factories. You don’t build amazing software by being lucky. Your boss at GenericCo will never go out of their way to ask you to build that thing you’ve always been dreaming of making.
You choose to work on software you find interesting. Or, for any of 1000 totally valid reasons, you choose to be small.
If you think you’re all that, don’t blame your company for “not getting the opportunity”. Please. You already have all the tools you need to code. Make something cool!
You underestimate the odds of talent in a population of 8 billion humans.
> If you think you’re all that, don’t blame your company for “not getting the opportunity”. Please. You already have all the tools you need to code. Make something cool!
There are neurosurgery robots operating with my code running in the background for several years now. I am now working on ophthalmic surgery software for sub-retinal operations. I would think that is actually kind of pretty "cool!".
However, I still know full well that I am a cog in a big machine. I still know full well that my impact is not world shattering. And I still very much think "fuck you pay me!".
My self worth is pinned by family and friends. Work is fun but it's a side quest. If you think differently that is ok, and so am I.
Stephen Jay Gould in "The Panda's Thumb": "I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops"
> There are neurosurgery robots operating with my code running in the background for several years now. I am now working on ophthalmic surgery software for sub-retinal operations. I would think that is actually kind of pretty "cool!".
That’s super cool dude! Surgery robots are pretty world shattering for the people whose lives are saved by them. Contributing to that sounds like something well worth feeling proud of too.
I just finished 1 month at clown school doing an intensive performance class. In clowning we talk a lot about coming on stage with a dream. A dream to do something great. To impress the audience. To move mountains with your words and presence. If you come on stage with no dream, the show is dead.
I think work is the same. If you go into work each day with a dream, it has life. You are there for a reason. You love your work. You want to change the world. Whatever. But if you’re going in to work each day with no dream of your own, you are a walking corpse.
Redis will bit rot. LuaJIT will bit rot. Jonathan Blow did make some fantastic games, but even then it's in a sea of games that are pretty great. Everyone is pretty small in the long run.
- Talent - obviously have to be really good to even do anything in the first place
- Vision - Need to have a goal of some sort to accomplish something
- Decision making - The goal needs to actually be something the world finds useful.
- Drive - Be able to take constant set backs and negative feedback and believe in yourself to an almost delusional level.
- Consistency - This means doing and thinking about your "thing" for a REALLY REALLY long time. Like weekends and holidays and ignore family and etc...
The talk above goes into it pretty in depth, but theres no mystery about it. You need ALL those things and no less. People who achieve at this level aren't accidents. They are simply not only talented in their fields, but also in areas of being able to consume volumes of information and handle failures. They're the ones getting up at 6AM every day working and thinking about their "problem" and going to bed dreaming about it, for years.
You can be a 10x developer, but you also need to be 10x in several other areas to actually accomplish valuable things. Theres a grand canyon of difference between them and everyone else.
Been in software dev for 43 years. Done the 6am and 96 hour weeks. Then realised I'd missed a big part of my kids growing up, and once they were dead, spending little time with my parents. Too busy you see.
I'd recommend people really think about the costs.
The truth is almost certainly between those extremes. People who never put themselves in a place where they can do something amazing are obviously much less likely to do so.
Equally, there are many, many talented people out there who never achieve recognition for what they do or were capable of.
You may not want to hear this (I certainly didn't when I felt similarly)...but perspective does change with age/personal life...with all due respect do you have kids? A partner? Any major commitments outside work? That's an enormous part of OP's statement.
People don't stop being talented/smart when they have kids/families/personal lives...but they will have less time and their perspectives do change.
It's a balance/spectrum where most of us end up somewhere in between two cliches: do what you love and you never work a day in your life on one end & work to live not live to work on the other.
Engineering is one of a few special disciplines where peoples' hobbies align easily with ability to earn money at most levels of professional performance; being mediocre is still a recipe for a generally acceptable standard of life. Compare it to things like sports or acting or music. It's possible to make a living at the lower echelons (read: everything below elite level), but it's hard work or mundane and often not well compensated.
While I love programming and computer science that is one of the reasons I chose programming over other fields. I figure if you want to be a journalist you’re basically broke unless you’re one of the top few that are also making money writing books or doing podcasts. If you’re a historian you are basically not doing well unless you are one of the top and get a tenure track professor position. If you are a programmer, and aren’t even that good, you have a comfortable life in the us. The bottom 20% of software jobs are still in like the top 75% pay range.
Having kids is such a traumatic, life-changing event. I mean this in the most positive way. I can see why so many people see this as the before/after watershed moment of their lives and ambitions. However, it's understandable that not everyone needs to have kids to come to this realization.
For me it was the profound perspective shift from being a leaf node of a tree so to speak to becoming just one link in a long chain. It tends to relax the do-or-die drive quite a bit.
It also makes it feel all the more exploitative that young developers are encouraged to work long hours and put their everything into their job. And that women are de-incentivized to have children by the market, if not capitalist society at large - don't do it, it'll cost you your career! We only give you two weeks of leave after you gave birth. You can't afford child care, or all your wages would be spent on it! etc.
It’s not, really. Japan is absurdly good if the only thing you want to do is have children, and don’t care too much about how or where they’re schooled.
1 year of leave per child, inability to get fired while on leave, free childcare.
The only negative is that all those make advancement options for working age women 25-35 whom are expected to have kids ’soon’ nonexistent.
Why do people feel they can make sweeping assertions about other people's experiences like this? You don't know anything about the lives of the billions of childless people out there. Many of us have livestyles that wouldn't be possible if we had children, and our "moments without kids" are totally, incomparably different from your moments without kids.
The smugness of people with kids is just annoying.
> The smugness of people with kids is just annoying.
The ability of people without kids to have a firm belief on how they’d feel with or without them is also astonishing.
I doubt people with kids are smug about it. It’s just been life changing for them, and to some extend they must regret that other people will never get to experience that, especially if they were initially hesitant too.
Anyway, fully agree it makes you appreciate your time more. I enjoy adjusting the flow of time to school age again, even if it’s not my own.
> If a non-parent told you that you can't truly enjoy your free time because you have kids, wouldn't that be a bit rude?
Nah, I’d nod my head and agree, but I imagine that’s not the point you were going for xD
I feel it’s like growing up, it’s hard to appreciate childhood, or university, or any of that until it’s passed.
By the same token you start to appreciate the seas of time you had without children once you have them, but by then it’s too late of course, and you can only appreciate them in hindsight.
I’m sure the same thing will be true after my children grow up. I’ll appreciate all the time I got to spend with them more in hindsight.
In general I appreciate things a lot more in the moment than in retrospect. And I'm much happier now than I was as a child or a university student--the thing I appreciate most about those times is that they're over.
And look, it's fine we have different experiences--I'm not here to invalidate your experience. But when people say stuff like "You cannot fully appreciate your moments without kids until you have kids though" you're invalidating my experiences. That's total bullshit--you don't know anything about my life and whether or not I truly appreciate it.
If you want to talk about your experiences, that's cool, and I'm actually even interested to hear them. But don't pretend like your experience is some universal truth. It's not.
Maybe I should be smugger about myself having kids, but it was really meant as nothing else as a lightheaded remark. From my own perspective of course - there is clearly my (nick)name over it.
Sure, and if it was just your comment it wouldn't annoy me. But these sorts of comments about non-parents from parents are constant. I totally parents that they enjoy having kids--why is it so implausible to parents that I can equally enjoy not having kids?
This is stated as if the only way for someone to experience kids is to have their own.
I didn't need to have my own kids to appreciate the peace of not having them (although at some point I do still intend to have kids, just not soon). I just had to frequently babysit my niece and nephew.
Nowadays I visit them only for a few days every few weeks and even then it's blatantly obvious that kids would mean a sharp drop in my ability to have as many different projects and hobbies as I do right now, for at least 5-10 years. Makes me really appreicate my moments without kids, as much as I also appreciate being able to see my niece and nephew grow and develop into their own selves.
It seems tragic to me that you had to procreate to appreciate your time on earth. I am grateful and thankful for every moment. Life is full of wonder to me without the burden of children.
To me I enjoy every moments with my children. Not only enjoyment, I couldn't have imagined how much I'm learning from them and I'm experiencing life so much fuller now. For one example, empathy, all the books about how to be empathetic can't make me a bit more empathetic. My children do. Another example being learning to listen, it is humbling to have your children asking you to listen them more. Ok, one last example is gaining inner peace of people not "understand" you. It happens in work place a lot that sometimes seemingly good idea goes unheard. There are lots of things I can share with my young. It is okay if they don't understand now. And I'm learning from them too so what I think I know might not matter 10 years down the road. Live the moment
The rational side of me tell me it is all my selfish gene in action. And I'm loving it.
Writing new code with no existing constraints or requirements isn’t some masterful feat of engineering, usually.
Working in an existing code base, on a team with multiple features going in, gathering requirements from stakeholders and negotiating deliverables on a timeline while refactoring is happening, libraries being upgraded and CVEs being fixed - navigating all of that while being a useful, compassionate team member - that’s priceless on a team.
You're just going to off load your lost potential and lack of ambition on to your kids, and so on and so forth. It's the main reason why people have them.
You're being negged into oblivion, but you have a point.
There is "I'm OK with my pedestrian job but I still try to do my best and actually like the people there" and "my job sucks all joy out of my life and provides me with nothing of value except money".
I have kids, but I somehow skipped the "I want to be the best"-phase and went straight to "I'll make do with whatever you give me" so nothing really changed. I actually work a bit harder now so my kids can see work is good - also to pay for their fancy shit.
Even stupid jobs can be sources of relative joy if you let them. Don't put up with abuse of any kind, though.
The opposite is no good. I had 1 or 2 opportunities which a lot of people of my age were looking at with envy. I was not super gifted but they came out of passion: by working on the things I loved relentlessy, I ended up being noticed. I was good because I worked a lot. It was not hard work since it was stuff I enjoyed a lot to do, but I spent countless hours on it (about 25-30 hours a week in addition to my studies or day time job).
Problem with the kids is that when I tell them about that, they feel they don't have enough passion to succeed. So you see, eventhough I was on the right side of success for a while, it scares the hell out of them...
So true, I wish I had this perspective before having kids as well, I was so focused on the rat race and on "being the best", to the point of being hospitalized with intestinal problems. Now I have a great job, that gives me joy but the two things i care the most in life are my two little devils.
I largely agree. My goals have shifted from having an impact moving the technology world forward to not being frustrated and depressed from work and getting enjoyment and satisfaction from personal small projects with no deadlines.
Since having kids, most of these have shifted from a few months in time to a few years, but they are unambitious, poorly defined and unimportant so who cares if they take a little longer?
My main goal at work is not getting annoyed or frustrated and getting paid well for my time.
It was once said that the national anthem of Hell is "My Way", and that the motto over the main gate reads "Do what thou wilt".
Pride, radical individualism, self-promotion. These are extremely common today, especially in the US (just compare an American resume with a European CV). Both the US and Europe have their problems, but this particular obsession tends to be more conspicuous in the US. Paradoxically, it doesn't bear the desired fruit because it misunderstands the nature of personal excellence.
This isn't a vote for collectivism or mediocrity. Only dead fish float downstream. It's a vote for the notion that the riches of society are the result of countless incremental contributions up and down the hierarchy of value for the sake of the common good. But liberalism embraces an inverted view of reality. All our relationships are viewed instrumentally and transactionally. We place desire above reason. We've become atomized, because nothing sensible unites us (perfect for those in power who view people as "human resources"). The "social contract" view of society is a disaster.
My levels of ambition and relentlessness absolutely shifted after having kids, I used to be absolutely furious about being the best. Now I am very much "fuck you pay me" and my priority is having as much free time as possible for family and friends. I for one would be fine with Mr. Westbrook's career although thankfully I haven't had as crappy colleagues as him throughout my career.
There are people of all types who will want different things, no point in judging. As the great thinker Alicia Keys once said: 'you do you boo!'