well then you're specifically poisoning people who can't read English.

Legally, there's really not a way around it besides simply not doing that.

What if you needed the laxatives, medically?

Do you really think you're the first person to think of this?

If you actually need a certain medication, and you absolutely must take it by putting it in your lunch, then I suppose you can feel free to explain that in a courtroom, but you should be reminded that perjury is a vey bad legal strategy and judges don't like to play games.