> Posting this in the hope that someone will feel triggered to backport Eliza, it was done in the 1960s but it's been lost :-)

When in doubt, there is always the option to implement Eliza in a Forth[0] embedded within a dish washing machine's firmware. It could converse about one's thoughts regarding pre-soak techniques. :-)

0 - https://www.forth.com/starting-forth/