You're also writing erratically in the blog since I've logged back in, and it looks like you're admist a manic episode. You'll vehemently deny so - no fault of your own, that's a core tenet of a manic episode in the first place. But I have close experience with it from those close to me, and more than anything - I suggest you take care. Don't be hard on yourself during the post-reflection and introspection period, doing so is often far more debilitating than the episode itself. Be well.