Have you considered zram/swap? Since running it, i have never seen mem usage > 95%, even under absurd workloads and have never been oom-killed ever since.
I did try that back when I only had 32GB. They definitely helped (especially swap) but didn't completely eliminate the problem. I don't know how they do it but I've never had a single issue with OOMs on Windows or Mac. I know Windows doesn't overcommit and it has a proper ctrl-alt-del to let you actually control killing processes if you need to... I'm not sure what Mac does.
Every time I OOM on Windows my Laptop just becomes completely unresponsive excluding the hardware cursor (it is the only thing still movable, everything else is frozen in time), ctrl-alt-del does fuck all until the system becomes responsive again. The worst part is, this isn't limited to OOM, but generally when my disk is hammered with high I/O (e.g. caused by thrashing).
