It's a bit hurtful that they would say "teenage laziness," when it could be depression.
It started when I was 12 (probably). I slowly started losing interest in doing things that I enjoyed, even more so about the things I didn't enjoy doing. By the time I was 15 I stopped caring about my future and from a straight A student I became a C/D student. When I started high school that I wanted (we have similar requirements for HS as you would need for college or university in Croatia) things were better for about a year, but I started to fade and become "numb" again. This continued throughout HS, but since my HS was mostly about sciences (physics, maths, computer science) and linguistics, so my grades didn't suffer because I found the topics interesting.
I am a freshman & 20 years old. I am doing better because I sought help, while everyone I lived with (mum and grandmother) thought I was just a lazy, worthless do-no-good. I should also mention that my mum has an "abusive personality," which probably contributed to my depression (and is hindering recovery, in all fairness).
I was lucky to have a best friend since kindergarten, who was observant enough to notice my mental and physical deterioration and supported me to find help (to paraphrase: "i will beat the fuck out of you if you don't get yourself checked for some shit").
I was diagnosed with MDD (Major depressive disorder). I wouldn't say I am good, yet, but I am better than I was a few years ago and I haven't thought about suicide for almost 2 months now (which I did, for 4/7 days, six months ago).
TL;DR: When you are depressed, it seems like the air is thick and heavy, it seems like every ray of light is trying to push you down onto your shadow, it seems like every movement you do is being countered by an invisible force and requires you to use more energy. All your thoughts are polluted with a dark tint. You have no dreams, no hopes, no desires. You just wish to escape.
Maybe they are not lazy? Maybe hiding in their rooms are the early attempts of escape, and nobody is noticing their silent cries for help.
I think it's good for us, whether we've been blessed to have never had to deal with such demons or we've recovered from our own dark times, to be reminded of the fact that there are people out there who are quite like us in most ways who are having a very hard time living from one day to the next.
I'm of the "since recovered" camp and even then, sometimes I forget about the struggles I have had and fail to be as empathetic and understanding as I could be.
I'm always grateful when others are willing to share their not so proudest moments and let us have a peek into their struggles and troubles. It sets me straight again.
"Lazy" is also what kids with ADHD are labelled. I think "lazy" is a cop-out explanation, since it doesn't actually explain anything. Often the incentives are aligned so that it's in the kid's best interest to put some effort into homework. If they're not doing it, treat it like a debugging program: why aren't they responding to the incentives? Could be depression, ADHD, perfectionism/fear of failure, or a bunch of other things.
They're not mutually exclusive. I was ADHD diagnosed, but I'm also lazy. Even medication didn't make me less lazy. But then I became a Haskell programmer, and now "laziness is a virtue."
edit: Not making light of ADHD or my own struggles. Medication and self-awareness helped me improve from a B/C student into an A student. But I do find that as an adult I'm able to function without medication because instead of constant studying for tests I'm constantly learning and applying my knowledge.
You definitely do get some kids that are lazy though. And I know this because I was one of them. I should have made more of an effort at school, but instead I coasted on natural ability. Which has meant that I'd had to put double the effort in later life to make up for the advantage I should have given myself at school.
However I do agree with you that we shouldn't be branding kids as "lazy" without investigation first.
> I think "lazy" is a cop-out explanation, since it doesn't actually explain anything.
In response to sibling comments, I want to QFT this. Laziness, as a diagnosis, has no explanatory power. It's a useless descriptor. It doesn't tell you how to fix it. You can self-diagnose as lazy all you like: that's, wait for it, intellectual laziness.
Trust me, laziness is a real thing; even when everything in the world points towards doing the work being the best thing for you, you just can't be bothered.
Of course it's a real thing. He never said it wasn't. What he said was that it doesn't explain anything, and that's true.
Laziness is a symptom, not a cause. It's like diagnosing someone with a "cough". It may be correct, but it's pointless, because it's obvious and tells you absolutely nothing about what to do.
At what point is a personality merely a symptom? If everything about us is a result of our ailments, and all of our ailments have treatments, how does a person know which parts of his personality are him and which aren't? What am "I" then?
I would probably say that we can classify our personality as the difference in sets of what anyone with our ability and in the same situation would do, and what we do.
That being said, our ailments could probably be categorized by affecting all aspects of our life equally and in full measure of time (i.e something that doesn't fluctuate across the years is probably an untreated ailment).
You're the little sane bit sitting on top herding the various cats of brain lobes, psychological disorders and just plain basic insanity into acting as a useful whole every day.
A sufficiently self-managing nutter is indistinguishable from a genius.
Man you're a hero and your friend is another one. Thanks for posting this and really keep up the good job and the effort. Remind yourself that your feelings are NOT what matter, but your person.
It is not a sad post: it is hard and REAL. Your life is relevant.
Congrats on not only seeking help (and keeping a solid friend that stuck with you through the trying down times), but your 2 month streak, may it never end!
It started when I was 12 (probably). I slowly started losing interest in doing things that I enjoyed, even more so about the things I didn't enjoy doing. By the time I was 15 I stopped caring about my future and from a straight A student I became a C/D student. When I started high school that I wanted (we have similar requirements for HS as you would need for college or university in Croatia) things were better for about a year, but I started to fade and become "numb" again. This continued throughout HS, but since my HS was mostly about sciences (physics, maths, computer science) and linguistics, so my grades didn't suffer because I found the topics interesting.
I am a freshman & 20 years old. I am doing better because I sought help, while everyone I lived with (mum and grandmother) thought I was just a lazy, worthless do-no-good. I should also mention that my mum has an "abusive personality," which probably contributed to my depression (and is hindering recovery, in all fairness).
I was lucky to have a best friend since kindergarten, who was observant enough to notice my mental and physical deterioration and supported me to find help (to paraphrase: "i will beat the fuck out of you if you don't get yourself checked for some shit").
I was diagnosed with MDD (Major depressive disorder). I wouldn't say I am good, yet, but I am better than I was a few years ago and I haven't thought about suicide for almost 2 months now (which I did, for 4/7 days, six months ago).
TL;DR: When you are depressed, it seems like the air is thick and heavy, it seems like every ray of light is trying to push you down onto your shadow, it seems like every movement you do is being countered by an invisible force and requires you to use more energy. All your thoughts are polluted with a dark tint. You have no dreams, no hopes, no desires. You just wish to escape. Maybe they are not lazy? Maybe hiding in their rooms are the early attempts of escape, and nobody is noticing their silent cries for help.
P. S: Sorry for the long&sad post.