I think you've mis-read the tone, or just plain don't understand/have experience of the military mindset.
This isn't a pity piece, he not expecting something from his passengers or expecting them to wonder about him. In fact, I'd say that's the whole point of the piece - how he knows he an outsider, a nobody in a world of somebodies, a dispassionate observer, one who recognises his own lack of humanity to his charges:
> A robot could do my fucking job
He's grateful for the job, grateful for the lifeline and merely telling the objective story of an outsider in a different world.
> Where I live, people are already dead. But at night, I pick up people with lives, and money in their pockets, places to go, things to do, people to see.
And yet, he reminds us throughout that people are fuck ups no matter their monetary wealth or 'social standing':
>One pick-up I had was outside a restaurant in Hayes Valley. I had my hazards on while I waited patiently, observing them passionately kiss each another. They kissed as if they were in love. It reminded me of the way I kissed, when I too was in love. Their goodbye took forever and when she finally got in my car, she pulled out her cell phone.
>"Hey honey, how's it going? Oh, it was boring, I wanted to leave the whole time. How are the kids? Good... Oh, remember that one coworker I told you about? I just found out he's been sleeping with all the associates... he's married too, I like his wife... he's a good guy..." I'm sure he is.
I think the piece is fascinating, not least because I've felt the sting of invisibility myself, but don't go mistaking it as a pining lament to be one of the chosen ones or that he's calling on his passengers to be his psychologist.
That the author is passing judgement on the non-talkers shows that he is expecting something from them. Like when he talks of his Combat Infantry Badge, and the only two options available are 'not notice' or 'notice and not care'. Plenty of people would notice and care a lot, but not want to get into a discussion that they think would lead to an argument. He's basically expecting to get his ego soothed with the medal.
It's a well-written piece, but he is projecting a lot of motivation onto people that doesn't necessarily exist. For example, when I catch a cab, I don't like to talk to the driver. It's not because I think they're a robot or the 'hired help' or beneath me or whatever. It's because I loathe small talk, and most cab conversations are exactly the same. There's also a fair chance of getting into a conversation with a passionate bigot, which is never fun. The last taxi I had included a generally one-sided conversation where the driver kept trying to suggest-sell a brothel visit to me. Frankly, cab conversations are just not that interesting. Bit of an aside there, but I would guess a lot of people feel the same.
I know you said "most" but I have had plenty of conversations with cab drivers that I remember years into the future.
Two examples:
- a very elderly man picked us up in London, he was cheerful and chatty in his 1940s-war-broadcast-style accent, turns out he spent a chunk of his life as an engineer in what you might call "frontier" countries. So many stories. He had plenty of cash, but drove to chat with strangers and because he couldn't stand doing nothing.
- we got picked up in Duxton Hill in Singapore by a chap in his 60s, whose tone was a lot calmer and more attentive than your average "so where you from-aaaah?" happy taxi uncle. He made two fortunes from nothing, one per Asian boom, then retired and travelled the world with his wife for a decade. He got very bored of the luxury life, and also took up driving to meet new people and collect stories about humans. Singapore being great for this.
There's plenty of occasions where, if you spend a bit of attention on the driver, you unearth either life stories worth preserving and thinking about, glimpses of a completely different world, or just fun stories where you wonder how much was made up.
I learnt a lot about his community in a 25 minute ride with an Indonesian driver having his 8th kid (all boys, amazingly) and working Uber in his spare time from working on oil rigs. A Polish man gave me a glimpse of the harsh life as a low-earning immigrant in a major European city, their main preoccupation in life seemed to be which alcohol to buy that was the cheapest yet still relatively drinkable. A driver was missing a couple fingers and complained about how Africans and Pakistans slept 6-aside in the cabin he used to have to himself in the "golden days" of the merchant navy (I never got the story about the fingers). He also had 6 wives in as many cities (none the one he lived in now).
Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge people who do like to talk, and more power to you. I just loathe small talk, and find the signal-to-noise ratio too low to do it with cab drivers or other people you spend only a few minutes with out of circumstance. I'm just trying to provide an angle on why some people don't like talking to drivers, as the article felt like it was unduly blaming them for not entertaining the driver enough.
To be honest, when I have been forced to use a Taxi; I honestly don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to driver. I don't talk on my cell phone. I don't talk to the person I'm usually with. I do talk to Taxi Drivers if they initiate the conversation, but don't mind driving in silence.
I figure this driver has lived enough, and the last thing he/she needs is listening to me yak on about my pathetic life. They are paid to drive--not entertain, nor provide free therapy, or expect to know anything other than how to get to my destination. (That goes double for Bartenders too!). I don't believe, since I paid for this taxi, I have the right to do, and say whatever I want in that back seat. Noise pollution is real. Uber drivers should have to listen to us yak?
This Uber driver actually sounds like he wants a little conversation? That's fine--doesn't the Uber app put a little bit of pressure on the driver with their rating system? I honestly couldn't imagine having to be nice, and chit/chatty to some snotty, ego centric, future Titan of the business world? Oh yea, what's up with expecting the driver to offer you a free beverage? "The Uber driver is there to move you--period." Get in the car, shut up, and don't look for things to criticize when you fill out that ridiculous rating system.
(I understand the need for a rating system, but it should be "Did they get me there safety?" Personally, I see no reason to make the ratings public? Uber can fire the driver if they don't move people to their destinations safety? (Maybe it's just me, but I'm tired of this whole rating thing anyways. Everyone has become a critic, and has a platform that makes it easy to tell the world what you think, or feel. Wether Uber, EBay, Businesses on Yelp; do we need public rating systems? Why can't these companies have internal rating systems? Rating systems that just fire an employee if they don't meet company standards? Ebay could ban a Seller if they are a bad Appple? Yelp could refuse to list a business that had a bunch of negative reviews? Uber could fire the driver if they had bad reviews? Call me old fashioned, but I was taught to not expect people to kiss my ass in order to get a favorable review, especially with a lousey job like working for Uber. What I'm trying to say is I'm used to just rating a service with my wallet? Especially business/services that aren't that important. When it comes to rating a Doctor, lawyer, or business that requires a contract or any other vital service, I'm all for detailed detailed reviews. A bad doctor, or lawyer can ruin you life. These two professions seem to be reviewed to least? We love to rate the service industry--the bottom rung of the service industry?
Sorry, got off track. I feel this young veteran is just venting? He sounds like he's just disenchanted with life, and his circumstances? Does he have a right to be a bit disappointed; a resounding Yes! He had PTSD. He has a mental condition that makes functioning in this brutal world difficult. He signed up to serve his country, and maybe learn a trade? The reality is the military doesn't do much for the average grunt.
I always though if I had a kid who was thinking about joining the military in order to protect their country, or learn a trade; I would drive them Tiburon, CA on a bright sunny day. I would let him/her see just how care free the 1 percenter's live. I would make them sit on a
bench, with a full view of the show. I would encourage them to listen to what these people talk about--what they complain about. I would point out the people whom drive $400,000 plus cars. I would keep them there all day. On the way home, my only question would be, "Would you risk your life for these people?"
If the guy driving for Uber reads this; I feel your pain. Try to make friends with people who care--they are out there. You are not alone with your with the horrid symptomology of PTSD. I have suffered in life with a similar affliction. I know it's difficult stomaching some people, but don't assume they are all narcisstic rich kids. Sometimes, it does seem like no one gives a dam, unless it directly benefits them, or their family/contacts in some way. Some people do care. Would you really want a woman who judged you for driving for Uber? Would you want to be around anyone who judges you on how much money you make? Sorry folks, but my generation(the 70's) didn't judge a person on how thick their wad was--we cared about how you made(ethically) your money, and just how compassionate, or caring you were. We didn't say it, but we despised the filthy lucre. The Lucre seems lionized these days? I don't get it?
As to the way we treat our veterans; well I find it appalling on all levels. America shouldn't have one homeless vet--period, unless it's by choice. We need to build low income, or free housing for these individuals on a massive scale. We did it after WW2? If the particular veteran doesn't need free room, it could go to a homeless civilian? Most veterans won't need a free room, but it should be made available?
If you respond to this post--fine. I never come back to a post. I don't think I said anything that controversial?
>That the author is passing judgement on the non-talkers shows that he is expecting something from them.
In fact you are judging the writer through the window of your own experience. You see judgement, but he didn't actually judge anyone.
What the writer did was comment on behaviour, about how people didn't notice the thing that was of pivotal importance in his life but instead the black and white version of the Uber logo, something unusual yet familiar to their own.
He's really just making a comment on behaviour rather than a judgement on human nature. He's highlighting how we tend to be drawn to things that are important to ourselves and not look to what others might be displaying that are of importance to them.
I get the overall impression the writer is a man who knows himself and his lot in life. He's under no illusion about his utility to Uber as a PR piece for instance. There might be a twinge of bitterness under it all but the piece seems quite careful to avoid that and instead reveals a man resigned to his current situation but so self aware as to not be a prisoner to it.
Where did I say that I wasn't judging him? Of course I'm judging him, just like you and aaronem are judging my comment and I was judging yours. The point of my first paragraph was a counter to your comment, not the article. While I agree that he sees himself as an outsider, I disagree that he is expecting nothing from passengers.
And, as I said, he considers the non-conversation about his medal to equate to either not noticing or not caring, which definitely aren't the only options on the table. He's a bit hurt that no-one wants to engage with him about it, so the only reasons he allows are 'uncaring strangers'. Throughout, while he considers himself an outsider, he's miffed that people aren't engaging with him... but I never really felt that he was understanding where the passengers' motivations were.
You claim he isn't passing judgment by pointing out he is commenting on behavior; but then you follow that up with his interpretation of that behavior, which is a judgment.
I also think he happens to have made the wrong judgment. People talk about the Uber badge not because it is familiar or important to them, but because it is a conversation starter that is safe. A conversation about a medal earned during war time is not a "safe" conversation. It can lead to a lot of uncomfortable places.
>> ...don't understand/have experience of the military mindset.
I think this describes where I am now. I just don't fully understand where they're coming from, because I have little experience of it. And so sometimes ex-military personnel can seem to me to be un-necessarily confrontational/combatitive in their approach to life and people.
Can you (or anyone else reading this) recommend some good reading material to help understand the position of current-generation military veterans?
I'm relatively confident I can, even as an outsider, give you some insight on their situation. All my closest friends were in the military in different branches even and they all shared a pretty similar story.
They spend years of their life excluded to mostly just people in their team. They chant words of brotherhood and tell tales of hardships and emotional struggle. They daily reaffirm to each other that their only hope for life is to rely on their brothers inside of this team they are on. They are given uniforms, they are given mottos and they are regularly put through emotionally and physically demanding situations. This is just the training phase.
The sign-up for such a job is promised acts heroism and tales for the grandkids, but then after all that hard training and attitude altering for this promised adventure, you end up sitting on your ass and doing mundane crap in another country. In an attempt to keep your dreams relevant you start making up hardships and talking about your brothers who died in combat (usually people they've barely even met) and then you come home and find out people don't think you're quite the hero you we're promised you would be.
You come home and find employers pissed they had to make special accommodations for you and you come home expecting people to pat you on the back. You come home with promises of bonuses you never got because the military lied to you and the VA doesn't give a shit about you.
You joined up as a bright eyed young man looking for adventure and spent so much time being fed that bullshit that when you come back home it's hard to cope with the fact so many people lied to you.
Based on your comment below, tool, it appears you have a real axe to grind.
"So I'm supposed to pay tax dollars for your salary and then give up my seat on a plane because you're working just like the rest of us?"
Your 'closest friends in the military' are giving you a skewed view of reality, and I am sorry for it.
1)It sounds like your friends were not in combat so their experiences are not comparable to the author's experiences. BTW, the author plays into the narrative of 'veterans are victims' perfectly.
2) If your friends are fabricating their relationships with servicemen who were killed, it sounds like they will fabricate anything they tell you.
3) The military is like any other organization, with good employees and less than good employees. Your friends appear to fall into the latter category.
4) In my experience, there is a population of service members who got to do what they signed up to do (pull triggers, of course) and who have reintegrated into society such that you would not know that they served, nor would they advertise that fact. I believe that these 'good employees' comprise the majority of veterans but they aren't a vocal group (unlike the author) so you will probably not hear their opinions.
It's interesting how easily I can point out the willing bias in both of our comments. Either way, you're probably right about the majority of veterans doing just fine. That's why I lead with the qualifier of veterans who lead with their title. No one leads introductions with "I used to service vehicles.", except in very relevant situations. While being a veteran for some people (as you say likely a small minority) is a token to deserved respect.
"I didn't fight for your freedoms so you could do XYZ" is not an uncommon phrase on social media for me. I've never heard "I didn't build houses for 20 years so city council could draft up unsafe regulations" or anything resembling the veterans mantra.
I'm not sure where you heard this, but the military experience is not your exaggerated guestimate. Plenty understand what their chosen jobs entail, and the possibilities are. Plenty also understand that nobody owes them everything, and it is all about what value can be provided now.
I am in the process of getting admin separated from the Marine Corps as a result of a bureaucracy circle I was put in when changing units, but I have no reason to slam the military, especially since it is highly unlikely to affect my career. It was a great experience, even if I never got to deploy (I am a reserve infantryman). I only had an issue with one employer holding something against me despite me being completely transparent about having reserve duties. Otherwise, they were perfectly accommodating.
If anything, the military service should instill in people to not take anything for granted - at least, that was my experience in the Marine Corps. Hard work never changes, inside the Corps or outside, and the mentality is to work harder to impress, since no one can fault you for showing tremendous work ethic.
On Killing by Dave Grossman is a little outdated, but still an excellent read about how the military conditions soldiers to become killers. I'd strongly recommend it.
This isn't a pity piece, he not expecting something from his passengers or expecting them to wonder about him. In fact, I'd say that's the whole point of the piece - how he knows he an outsider, a nobody in a world of somebodies, a dispassionate observer, one who recognises his own lack of humanity to his charges:
> A robot could do my fucking job
He's grateful for the job, grateful for the lifeline and merely telling the objective story of an outsider in a different world.
> Where I live, people are already dead. But at night, I pick up people with lives, and money in their pockets, places to go, things to do, people to see.
And yet, he reminds us throughout that people are fuck ups no matter their monetary wealth or 'social standing':
>One pick-up I had was outside a restaurant in Hayes Valley. I had my hazards on while I waited patiently, observing them passionately kiss each another. They kissed as if they were in love. It reminded me of the way I kissed, when I too was in love. Their goodbye took forever and when she finally got in my car, she pulled out her cell phone.
>"Hey honey, how's it going? Oh, it was boring, I wanted to leave the whole time. How are the kids? Good... Oh, remember that one coworker I told you about? I just found out he's been sleeping with all the associates... he's married too, I like his wife... he's a good guy..." I'm sure he is.
I think the piece is fascinating, not least because I've felt the sting of invisibility myself, but don't go mistaking it as a pining lament to be one of the chosen ones or that he's calling on his passengers to be his psychologist.